We’ve been discussing some fears that can limit or even prevent a leader’s success: fear of failure, fear of success, fear of rejection and fear of selling, and how these may have limited you..

We discussed the fear of failure earlier on in this blog series, so I this blog entry, we will concentrate on:

Fear of success. Fear of success is one of the most cryptic and misunderstood of all fears. This fear is more prevalent – and complicated – than most people think, affecting politicians, sports stars and even students who slog through years of graduate school only to end up as A.B.D. (All But Dissertation) wannabes.

The fear of success is caused by a conflict between goals, one goal…the conscious goal you are working hard to achieve that, if accomplished, will put you in a position in which you will be required to attain a second goal. Either consciously or subconsciously, you can sabotage your own success in accomplishing your first goal for fear of not being unsuccessful realizing your second goal.

Here is an example of the fear of success:

The Young Entrepreneur

Sarah was a 30-something entrepreneur who owned a small wealth-management firm. When discussing what could be holding her back from greater success, she said, “I don’t think my family will accept me if I’m wealthy.”

Sarah had a clear conflict between her desire to be personally wealthy and an equally strong desire to be loved by her family. She initially believed that you could only be successful at one or the other goal, but not both.

She resolved this with an imperfect but effective strategy by creating wealth but keeping the knowledge of it from her family of origin.

Sarah was able to both become wealthy AND remain loved by her family. But for how long would this be satisfying to her?

Business executives are constantly concerned about achieving success in both their business and personal lives. Again, many people see this as an either/or, black-and-white situation.

The solution involves finding a way to live an integrated life, a life in which you are consumed by neither career nor family. This allows you to be successful at work AND with your family. Ask yourself: How can I be more successful at work AND with my family?

Sheryl Sandberg, author of Lean In: Women, Work and the Will to Lead, has mentioned that one of her favorite posters states that, “Done Is Better Than Perfect.”

What does this mean in terms of an integrated life? For Sandberg, embracing this motto requires one to “let go of unattainable standards,” to recognize that you are not perfect and, whether you are at home with the family, out with friends, or engrossed in your work, that you should enjoy what you have at that particular moment in time.

Technique – resolving the fear of success.

Try this exercise:

• Step one. Define your most important goals. Then take one of them at time and search your mind for potential conflicting goals.
• Step two. Ask yourself and answer the following questions:
  • If I am more successful, if I attain the biggest goals I have set, what will change?
  • Whom will I spend time with?
  • Where will I live?
  • Whom will I work with?
  • What car will I drive?
  • What house or neighborhood will I live in?
  • How will my self-image change?
• Step three. Will a change in your life occur when and if you experience greater success? Will it be a change for better or for worse? If you identify a change that will not add to your life and that may even make you unhappy, realize you have the power to decide whether that will actually happen or not.

In the next blog, we will look at fear of rejection. Thanks for being with us.

For questions about this post or for information on becoming a fearless leader, contact Dr. Cathy Greenberg and The Fearless Leader Group at (888) 320-1299 or by email at hello@fearlessequalsfreedom.com.